The Psychopath's Guide to Surviving the Fringe

There’s lots of survival guides around for how to ‘do’ the Edinburgh Festival Fringe – mainly involving wellies and Berocca (other branded vitamin C tablets are available).

However our resident serial killers Mel, Steven and Jay didn’t feel these guides are quite appropriate to their needs...

So, as part of their outreach work with Psycho-Not-So-Anonymous, here’s a rather more, er, ‘tailored’ guide for the psychopath abroad.

Enjoy! 

---

The Psycho-Not-So-Anonymous (PNSA) Survival Guide 
to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival

1.       Consider your accent

• PNSA members with English accents may attract the wrong sort of attention. We recommend using South African, Scandinavian or an Australian accent for the duration. Scottish is not recommended.
  

2.       Do your research

• Put your feelers out: are there any other serial killers active in town? Make sure you don’t step on any toes. Remember the Rule of Professional First Dibs - it doesn’t do to upset the locals.
  

3.       Enjoy the Mile

• Go nuts. Literally. No-one will notice, they’ll think it’s an ‘act’ 
  

4.      Choose your marks wisely
When assessing potential marks you have a variety of food groups to choose from - each with their own benefits and drawbacks:

• Performers:  likely to ‘say yes’ to any offers you make, and high levels of inebriation are common. However they are also likely to be in good physical shape and have good lung capacity for screaming (wait till the end of the Fringe when they’re tired out a bit)

• Locals: probably already a bit irate with their city being taken over so likely to be wary and/or confrontational when approached.

• Tourists: good potential here – they’re most likely to be naïve and willing. We recommend identifying solo travellers rather than family packs.

• Comedians: Probably more trouble than they’re worth. Best avoided.

5.       Embrace the rain

• Rain can help you cover your tracks...
• ensure poor visibility from potential witnesses and...
• it allows you to wear hoods, hats and other concealing items of clothing without arousing suspicion
  
• Thunderstorms are also good for muffling the sound of screams
  

6.       Footwear

• Polished Oxfords look great on the sophisticated psycho about town but are not suitable for running uphill on wet cobblestones if a speedy getaway is required. Be sensible.
• Waterproofs are also recommended.

7.       Pace yourself

• The Fringe lasts nearly 4 weeks – it’s a marathon not a sprint so be sure to stock up on your Boots Vitamin C Effervescent Tablets, have a night in once in a while, eat some fruit and make sure your tools are suitably sharpened/restocked/topped up
  

8.       Enjoy the show!

• The Fringe is the biggest arts festival in the world after all! 
• Check out the cabaret, the burlesque, the comedy, the street performers, the musicals and the theatre – we particularly recommend THE RULES: SEX, LIES & SERIAL KILLERS on at theSpace on the Mile, 7 – 29 August.
  
• Sitting in the audience is also an ideal way to discretely check out potential marks unobserved…